Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
