did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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