Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize