last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
