Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
