She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
