apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
