There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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