Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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