a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The ass gains better be worth it
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