I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
