Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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