I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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