You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
