did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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