I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
