I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
