Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
