Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
