idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
