I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
