But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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