My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
