how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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