Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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