i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
