sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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