that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
