just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
