what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
