The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
