she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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