We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
