Ambien. No doubt about it.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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