Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize