I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
