i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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