are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
