garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
