Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
