Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
