girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
