Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
