I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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