i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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