Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
