Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
