Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
