I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
