I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
