Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
