Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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