I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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