I'm drive I can fine osifer
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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