you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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