between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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