I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
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