Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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