Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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