could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i've created a new STD.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
