i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
