I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
