Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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