I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
