What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
