I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
