That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
