What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Holy shit dude........stairs
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
