when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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