Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
