How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
