I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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