im six kinds of drunk right now
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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