the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
