Who wears a wallet chain?!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
