I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
