We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
