I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
