Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
