No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
