maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
