the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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