Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
