Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
