So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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