I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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