I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
