So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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