You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
