she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
