She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
