Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
