I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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