Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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