some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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