And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my being single is dangerous.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
