They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
