Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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