The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
