dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
