Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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