he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the condom got lost in my hair
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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