it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
then he tried to convert me to islam
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
