Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize