hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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